What Do Men Want?

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A few years back I found myself sitting across a table from a professional matchmaker.  She asked a question I’d never been asked before:

“What do you bring to the table?”

I almost laughed.


I bring what all men want: a willingness to pay attention to them.

But I realized she was looking for a more substantial answer.

This got me thinking…

What is it that men want from us?

What do women bring to the table?

What qualities and ways of being make us worth the trouble?

I wanted answers so I do what I do. I went straight to the source.

I interviewed three dozen men.

In this small, social research experiment, I discovered that while the list of what men love about us is very long, the top three things men look for in a mate can be relatively easy:

  1. Affection and attention
  2. Understanding
  3. Loyalty

This one is the easiest to understand: Touching, listening, showing up. Easy-peasie.

This goes beyond, “I understand you because you’re speaking my language.” Understanding means how safe can you make yourself so he opens up and shares who he really is.

Are you judgie?

If he shares something, will he be made wrong for it?

How deep can he go?

Where’s the line for revealing his true self?

People (not just men) are constantly monitoring for, “Is this person someone I feel safe to be myself around?”

A guy will only partner with someone he believes has his back. Will be on his side, and will keep his secrets safe.

So, single women, as you craft your wish list of the attributes of your perfect person, try making a list of your own.

Start by answering the question “What do I bring to the table?”

What you have to offer may springboard finding who you’re looking for and the type of relationship you’re after.

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Wendy Newman

Wendy Newman

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