Top 5 Dos and Don’ts for Online Dating

I went on 121 first dates to meet my partner, Dave. (a.k.a. lucky #121!)

I met nearly all 121 of them through online dating apps, and I learned a lot!

I’m here to share some of my fails, some of my wins, and feedback I got from daters along the way. I hope this helps your dating journey move along much faster than mine (and with a whole lot fewer dates)!

Enjoy.

Your Profile

Do…
Use a friend, family member, or coach to help proof your profile. They can provide valuable feedback for content and point out typos and grammar errors as well. You’d just never guess how many of us are sticklers for spelling, and shocking as it may be, some of us think a well-placed semicolon is hot.

Don’t…
Be out there representing falsely. Don’t shave numbers off your age, try to stuff that body into a different body type classification, or give yourself a big, fat raise. 5’10” is not code for 5’ 7”, yo. Seriously, do you really want to make someone call you on it face to face?

Your Correspondence

Do…
Reply to every thoughtful email. You will most likely need to write a “no thank you” email at some point. So before you even start your dating process, write up a few kind, short rejection emails and store them in a Word document. When you need one, simply cut then paste a fitting one into a reply, and then tailor it by inserting their name if they provided it. You could say something like, “Thank you for writing. After reading your profile I can see we’re not quite a match. Good luck out there.” The response makes you a good citizen dater. The Word doc cut/paste system makes you an efficient dater.

Don’t…
Bother replying to the “drive-by” emails. You know the ones. They are usually about four words and start with “Hey baby”… and end with “nice ass.” Think of it this way: If the email has the tone of a construction worker cat-calling you from a worksite, you can pass or respond, but passing is acceptable in this circumstance. Unless you want that kind of attention, in which case, enjoy – no judgment here.

Your Candidates

Do…
Give people a chance. You may learn the very valuable lesson that you can date outside of your type but not outside of your tribe. You don’t know who’s in your tribe until you’ve given them a chance.

Don’t…
Treat online dating like Amazon.com. When you meet someone lovely, spunky, and sincere, date them. Don’t see them and simultaneously compare them against everyone else you see online. This is a person, not an exchangeable item you can return for an upgraded model. You’re better than that.

Making it Real

Do…
Meet right away. It’s okay to get a little excited about a profile, but you may want to assume they aren’t real until you’re standing next to each other at the local coffee house or hot date spot. Chemistry and true connection are rarely found through words on the page.

Don’t…
Reveal confidential information about yourself before you meet. Give out your cell number? Sure (unless valuable information is provided when one Googles your cell number). Your home address? I’d save that for later. Your last name may give them more information than you want them to have prior to meeting up. Your photo can be dragged off your profile and dropped right into the search bar of Google, followed by a click on “image.” If you have that same image posted anywhere else on the web, one can obtain even more information about you. Scary, huh? We are living in the Google age, people.

Your Demeanor

Do…
Be yourself. Authenticity rules.

Don’t…
Be aloof, come with a script, or try to play it cool. That’s a sure-fire way to miss a possible real connection.

Good luck out there!

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Wendy Newman

Wendy Newman

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