After I offered the question, I saw tears streaming down her face. This delicate, 80-year-old woman was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary that very weekend by sitting in a hotel ballroom packed with women all there to learn how to understand men and create a partnership in a new way.
It was a simple question I’d posed to the group.
I knew she’d never asked it of her husband in all the years she’d been married. It just doesn’t occur to us to ask. I knew that, in that moment, she was reconciling with decades of not knowing the answer to this vital stay-in-love question.
This moment has always stayed with me. I want every person in a relationship to have the answer to this question, and many more, for that matter.
16 Questions to Stay in Love
What if you could ask each other a set of questions that would set you up for success before your perfectly good relationship gets derailed by awkward silences, missed opportunities, and lurking resentments?
Do you know that there is never a “good time” to bring up something unpleasant, negative, or uncomfortable?
When we have a negative experience, one way we can deal with it is to “sweep it under the rug.” But that experience or feeling isn’t gone — it’s just sitting there, hanging out with all the other ones you’ve swept under there.
Even if you want to bring it up, you get busy, or tired, or you’re afraid. It irritates you and starts to fester, which makes you think you should let it go — but you don’t really let it go. This is the beginning of a downward spiral. Nobody wants a downward spiral.
At the start of our relationship, Dave and I put our heads together and came up with sixteen questions to help make a good relationship great. We were committed to working at staying in love, and in order to make this happen, we realized that the questions would need to be asked more than once.
We settled on monthly check-ins and established this as our Full Moon Ritual. We have been meeting at or near the full moon from the start of our relationship, and we’ve discovered a few things beyond asking the questions we’d agreed to, like:
- Setting the stage by creating a sacred space where it’s safe to say anything is key.
- Agree that no one is ever in trouble or misbehaving for what they share/want/desire/ask for.
- While it’s important for you to create your own questions and eliminate ones that don’t fit for you, we recommend you keep the positive acknowledgment of each other by voicing what you love about each other right now and what you love about your relationship at that moment.
These questions are designed to do some light “housekeeping” in your relationship. Think of them like your regular, scheduled relationship oil change. Get what’s underneath the rug and sweep it out!
“These questions were a game-changer in my marriage. After just one conversation, we took an already good marriage to an entirely new place — Priceless.”
-Jenny M. – San Diego, CA
Stay in Love with Your Full Moon Ritual by asking the questions that will take your relationship to the next level.