It’s Not About the Flowers, He Doesn’t Actually Give a F*ck.

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Hey Wendy,

I know you say hinting doesn’t work, but I need more clarity after you hear this situation.

I hinted to my last boyfriend so many times that I wanted flowers. I’d say things like…

“I love these flowers.”
“It would make me so happy if you bought be flowers.”
“This is my favourite kind of flower.”
“Even just one of these flowers would really make me happy, I don’t need a whole bouquet.”

After 6 months of that, I finally told him I really needed him to buy me flowers or I was going to be upset. He got mad because he didn’t think I should be telling him to buy me flowers, and it would be better to hint.
I literally hinted for six months.

After the demand, he did buy me flowers - a kind I had told him I didn’t like. I praised and thanked him for the flowers. I’d point out the ones I did like… still, he kept buying the flowers I didn’t like.

So, it didn’t work out with us for other reasons but what the hell am I supposed to do in those kinds of situations?

Margie C. - Vancouver BC, Canada
_______

Hey Margie,

Is this really about flowers?

You might have started with a hint, but you weren’t hinting then you told him what would make you happy.

I think you, whether consciously or unconsciously, were running a bit of a science experiment here. The experiment was designed to answer a nagging question that you had, to wit: “Does this guy give one single fuck about what I tell him would make me happy?”

It seems to me that your experiment returned a result. And, sadly, the result was: “No. Zero fucks given.”

And in this escalation from “I love flowers” to “I need flowers,” you set up an expectation by a demand that was doomed to fail you both. Now, he either submits to or pushes back. If he submits, it’s not a gift. And there’s no amount of praise that will make either one of you feel good about this.

I really love flowers too. They make me happy. And like you, I’m particular about which kind I like. So, I solve this problem by buying my own flowers.

As you date, pick the ones whom you don’t have to change — who can give you what you need, and who pay attention to what makes you happy. These guys are out there.

Good luck!