I wish I could be there with you to see what’s going on and give you the why!
Since you can’t put me in your pocket and take me with you, I’ll start by asking you three questions:
100% truth in advertising
Are you advertising yourself as the real you?
The person you present in the words and images on your online profile needs to be who you actually are.
Are your photos current? And when I say current, I mean taken-within-the-last-six-months current.
Are there close-ups and full-body shots that accurately portray what you look like right this second?
Are you stretching it a little when it comes to stats like your age or body type?
In the case of online dating, honesty really is the best policy. Look over your profile, and if you’re willing, let a friend also take a glance and make any needed updates.
Are you treading in dangerous territory? If you’re hanging out for hours on end, we can all assume you’re entertaining and fun, but are you sprinkling in some heavy, not-first-date topics too?
Are you (over)sharing your entire life story that includes the messy details of all your past relationships?
Are you telling him he seems beyond amazing and you hope to be exclusive with him soon?
Those are just a few examples in a long list that will kill the chance at a second date.
The Cotton Candy Phenomenon
Are you bringing substance?
Fun is awesome! You definitely want to bring lightness and spark to your dates, but are you bringing more than that?
Are you expressing the deeper sides of yourself?
Not the heavy sides — the deeper sides. Are you showing your dates your personality’s unique flavor, what you care about, how you spend your time, and what really matters to you?
Sometimes when we don’t get second dates it’s because of the cotton candy phenomenon: all fluff and no substance.
Dating is Sorting
Lena, if you’re doing everything right — advertising who you really are, keeping the rough stuff for another time when you know each other better, and not shying away from expressing your core essence — then if they’re not following up with date number two, they’re doing you a favor. They’re not for you, and they’re just getting out of your way to make room for your person to come into your life. Don’t stop, he’s going to show up.
Good luck out there!!
Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 70,000+ women internationally.
Need one-on-one coaching from Wendy? You can hire her by the hour.
Single? Take her 5-Day Love Breakthrough Course (for free — you’re welcome!)