Ask Wendy

How Soon Is Too Soon for Sex Talk?

Tuesday, May 23, 2017
woman looking at her phone as men won't stop texting
Hey Wendy

Sometimes when I chat with guys online, they are quick to talk about or reference sex in our first conversation. That creeps me out. Here’s my question: I’m wondering if I should try and get used to it, or do something differently because sexual banter is okay, or is this a major sign to leave that person alone?

Hey Dater,

When a guy talks about sex in the first few exchanges before ever meeting you, he’s letting you know what he wants—and what he wants is, well. sex. He’s also telling you he doesn’t have enough regard for you (or he doesn’t have enough brains in his head) to not risk blowing it with you by bringing up boning before you’ve even gotten to beers at the local pub around the corner. He cares more about what his dick wants than what you might need. Big. Fat. Red. Flag. It would be a different story if you’d stated in your profile that you’re looking for casual sex and casual sex only—then you’d be getting back what you’re putting out, and everyone’s happy.

I thought about tossing you a graceful one-liner to throw back to him, but you don’t need respond to advances like those. Or, if you want to help a brother out, you could say, “Hey, we’ve never met and you’re already being sexual with me? I’m out.” Again, you don’t have to be his teacher, but you could throw him a charitable bone if you feel like it.

Listen to your creep-o-meter—It’s dead-on.





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