Ask Wendy

Where Are All the Single Guys Over 50?

March 24, 2017
Hey Wendy,

You say there are plenty of quality men available to date; even for us women who are over 50. But I'm not seeing them... anywhere!

True, I don't live in a highly populated area, but even online there are very few men in my search area. And I've expanded my search to 3 hours’ drive away.

The closest I've even come to dating is with a lovely man who lives 8 hours away. After 6 weeks of phone calls, he admitted he’s unable to be in a relationship with anyone.

Please, give me some hope for the future!

Cindy K. - Grass Valley, CA

Hey Cindy,

I will absolutely give you hope…if you’re willing to shake things up a bit. Because you’ve already learned an important lesson: You aren’t finding men where you’ve been looking.

Can’t find them on a dating site? Try a different dating site. Or five.

Can’t find them in your town? Maybe it’s time to relocate.

Moving is hard—believe me, I get it. I loved living in the idyllic town of Sonoma, California. I’d made friends, chosen family, and for twelve years I ran an accommodations business that I built with my own bare hands and the name of that company? Stay Sonoma. From the looks of things, I had to stay—but I didn’t.

I weighed what was most important to me at that point in my life: having a partner or owning a local business in a country town surrounded by friends. I decided to move to Oakland; nowhere near as pretty, serene, or fancy, but do you know what Oakland had that Sonoma didn’t? Single men!

You can stay where you are and keep trying, and it may happen for you. Your odds of importing someone are pretty slim (unless you live on Maui), and long distance has the drawback of attracting those not able to fully commit, as you seem to have already discovered.

What you’re really left with is this: Are you going to try a different site or different town, or are you going to own your choice to stick with the current method and the consequences that come with it? There is no wrong answer here, but yes, I am nudging you to empower yourself and to tell the truth about the situation instead of falling victim to your own circumstances.

I do promise that there are lots of great guys over 50 out there who are single and available. But the old fairytale “someday, my prince will come” may not apply here. You may have to go to them because they’re probably not going to come knocking on your small-town door.

Good luck!

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