My husband and I broke up two months ago and the split was ugly. A week ago he called me and said he wanted to try again. I was very excited because I missed him so much even though my friends thought he treated me like crap.
During our reconciliation, he told me he hadn’t kissed another woman while we were apart. He also said he would never bring another woman to our house
Last night I came back to our house for the first time. Imagine my surprise when I saw a box of tampons and some makeup in our bathroom. He said he had no idea how the items got there and that they must belong to the housekeeper.
I started to cry and he said I was still “nuts" and he never once brought anyone to our house.
Then I saw the non-stop Facebook posting on a 24-year old woman’s profile. One post was teasing him for being too old for her, and his response was, “maybe you just need a good spanking from me".
I am heartbroken -- I really wanted this relationship to work again. Should I believe him that nothing happened? Am I overreacting?
Tracy O. — Napa, CA
Love, you know the answer to this. Why are you asking me? Come on, now. You know. I know. Everybody reading this column knows.
Run. Run as fast as you can in the other direction. You can cry to your girlfriends, eat some Ben & Jerry’s, and as the weather warms up, you’ll find the motivation to bike or hike off the latter and move on with your life. Most importantly, after the dust has cleared, you’ll find someone who doesn’t tell you that you’re nuts after he’s lied to you (that’s called gaslighting, girl!) Someone your friends aren’t cringing and rolling their eyes over because they see how he treats you. Someone who doesn’t whip out the old, rusty “must be the housekeeper” line. We can’t even give him credit for originality or creativity on that one.
As an aside, what he did with other women while you were broken up is none of your business, but that isn’t the problem here, and I bet you sense that.
When you’re ready to date again, consider adding a few more qualities to the list above “nice eyes” and “cute butt.” How about making sure that “is nice to me” makes the cut? I’d also add “respectful” and “is honest.” In other words, don’t you dare settle for another man who treats you like your husband did.