I've been on a couple dates with this guy, and when he invited me back to his apartment, I said yes. He's artistic and musical and a programmer and a guy, all of which is to say that his place was kind of a wreck. I have my own clutter. It wasn't the clutter that bugged me, and I thought I was okay with it...until I used his bathroom. It was so gross! It looked like it had never been cleaned, and I couldn't imagine taking my shoes off. It grossed me out, made me feel unsafe (health-wise), and made me feel completely unspecial. The visit to his place was very spur of the moment, so part of me wonders if he would have cleaned up if he planned in advance to have me over. Is having a clean apartment something I could reasonably expect him to do for me? How do I have a convo about how much his mess depletes me and makes me not want to get physical with him?
June L. Houston, TX
So, I cohabitate with someone who’s artistic, musical, in tech, and also a guy, but he manages to keep a bathroom pretty damned tidy and definitely clean enough to walk into with bare feet, so let’s not let these characteristics be your dude’s “good reason” for living in filth. Housekeeping standards vary drastically from person to person, but if we were to generalize, statistically speaking, straight guys don’t pay as much attention or put the level of detail and effort into cleanliness as we do. This doesn’t make being a slob okay, though.