To be blunt, I’d like to find a man who can afford me. Are there any specific trustworthy online dating sites I could use to find a guy who makes more than $250,000 per year?
T.H. Santa Monica, CA
Hey T –
I don’t know of any, and I’m not going to check for you because you have access to the all-knowing Google (and your own good judgment). That said, I do want to talk about this with you.
You are entitled to want what you want and to not settle for anything less, but know this: If you go out and look for a mate on a site based on money, know what your dates will be focused on? Money. Not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, but here’s what you’ll be “buying” (always read the label, right?):
Men who make that kind of money will be focused on work. And that’s okay—I just don’t want you thinking that you can get with one of these guys and then say, “But I really need you to spend more time with/on me.” Then, after you start a family, I don’t want you stuck complaining that he’s never there for you and the kids—he can’t be, because he’s busy making the money that fuels the kind of lifestyle you desire. One usually can’t have it both ways.
I’ve seen women get into this cycle before. She feels bad, as if it’s a failure on her part because she wasn’t good enough, charming enough, or she didn’t matter enough to shift his focus to her instead. But the focus was never on her. The focus was on “find a partner who can get behind my crazy-ass-workaholic lifestyle.” Again, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a pot to every lid and whatnot, but I don’t want to see the lid get butt-hurt when the pot isn’t around much because the pot’s too busy closing multi-million-dollar deals or flying across the country to meet a new big-name client for brunch instead of staying home and making pancakes on a Sunday morning.
Also, my experience has shown me that guys on dating sites who flaunt their economic status tend to not try as hard to present themselves as a well-rounded, interesting person who cares about myriad things. They think showing up with a fat wallet is all that’s required, and in this respect, they can be as lazy as beautiful people (sorry beautiful people, but you and I both know you’ve got it easier than everyone else, and sometimes that makes you prone to some corner-cutting when filling out the old profile).
When I was on Match.com and OkCupid, I dated PLENTY of guys who made over $250,000 per year and/or maintained a seven-figure bank account. But since that was not my purpose for dating them (nor was it their intent to lead with that aspect of their lives), they actually put in some effort. They uploaded good photos and put a little thought and cleverness into their profiles—basically, they put some work into broadcasting to the female population that they were solid, worthwhile guys.
When it comes down to it, I’d actually recommend using the usual, reputable sites, because the guy you’re after is on those sites, I promise. He’s just not broadcasting his financial status widely because he’s hoping you’ll like him for who he is as a person first. Men don’t like to be judged solely for one aspect of their identities any more than we do.