Ask Wendy

Am I the Only One Who Doesn’t Like Alone Time?

Reprinted from December 2016
Hey Wendy,

Am I the only one who doesn't really like alone time?

I love people and I want to be around friends, family, and especially my special someone always. I'm genuinely happy with myself and do go solo on many adventures or errands, but I would much rather be with a friend.

I'm dating someone who’s the complete opposite of me. Is there something I can do?

Marcia G. - Forestville, CA

Hi Marcia,

You are NOT the only one who doesn’t like alone time! There. Now, does that solve your problem? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Many of us are just “let’s do it together” people, and many of us need alone time to prepare and restore to be (great) with people we care about.
I’m someone who needs a LOT of alone time. My partner doesn’t need very much. So we work it out, which is what I recommend you do with your partner. How does that work when one of you is a social butterfly and the other is a bit of a hermit? Allow time and space for both, and don’t assume that one way is better than the other. Nothing is inherently wrong with either mode.

I don’t put him through the paces about going out so much and he doesn’t bug me to go out five nights a week—we respect each other’s dispositions, and find little ways to meet in the middle.

If you two can make a pact that you can go out with your slew of friends and family members (without any grief) to help fill in the gaps, you might just conquer this. And in return, your job is to be cool with and not take it personally when your S.O. needs some space from you to recharge.

This will take both of you doing your part, and it isn’t always workable, but it is part of the courting experience—seeing beyond “I love you” to “Are we a good fit?”

Happy Dating!

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