Ask Wendy

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me

Friday, February 1, 2019
Hey Wendy,

I’ve been with my boyfriend seven months now. For the last two months, he's been withholding sex from me.

It started when we were fooling around and he turned and said, "You're not getting any." I couldn’t figure it out. Why would he do sexual things with me and then say that? I wouldn’t mind not having sex if he didn't feel like it but that doesn’t seem to be the case since he asks me for blowjobs all the time.

We haven’t had penetrative sex in nearly two months, and I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm bad in bed. Maybe I’m too much work. Maybe he's punishing me for leaving for a weekend trip a couple of months ago. Maybe he’s having sex with someone else.

When I try talking to him about it, he gets angry. The only answer I’ve gotten was that it’s the same as when I’m not in the mood for sex. I can't talk about this with him because he’s sensitive and moody about it. Can you tell me a way to fix this without talking to him because he doesn't want to talk about it?

Margie T. – Los Angeles, California

Hey Margie,

Yep, I totally have a fix for you. And don’t worry, you won’t have to talk to him about this.

Next time you are at his house, collect all your hair ties, t-shirts, extra workout clothes, reading material and glasses – whatever loose items you have roaming around. On your way home, stop by your local woman-friendly sex shop and get yourself a Hitachi vibrator. Then hit the grocery store for a bucket of your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s and before you put your car in drive in the store parking lot, put your earbuds in and start dialing your favorite single girlfriends because it’s time you get yourself ready for the transition to being single again.

I’ve given this a lot of thought, asking myself the question: “What if there’s a good reason he would do this?” and do you know what I came up with? Nothing! It would be kind to just call this type of behavior immature, but honestly, it’s downright cruel.

This is not how we treat the people we love – for any reason. I’m sorry he’s made you feel unwanted, undesirable, and has you second-guessing your bedroom skillset. Girlfriend to girlfriend, I don’t think that is it. But we’ll never know because he sure as hell isn’t going to tell you. You may as well just make up your explanation. Let’s make it a good one! The most empowering one we can dream up so you can go on with your life from here. Ready for it?

He stopped having sex with you because… you were just too amazing. I mean, the more he got to know you, the more he could see he just wasn’t worthy of you. You were way out of his league, so he got timid.

Feel better?

And if there’s nothing of yours that you can’t live without at his house, you can skip the retrieval process, and beeline straight for the B & J’s. You can binge on some Netflix, or better yet, tap into this list of 23 break-up movies that will help you let the healing process begin.

Conversations about tough things are required in any relationship worth having. I’m sorry this didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. But the good news is you can have your online profile activated in under ten minutes. Next time save those blowjobs for a guy with a little more receptivity, and a higher level of communication and emotional IQ.

Good luck out there!

Do you have a dating, sex or relationship question for Wendy? Send it to