Ask Wendy

Is My Long-Distance Relationship in the Friend Zone?

Friday, September 7, 2018
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map and two people
Hey Wendy,

So, I met this guy during my travels. We were at a dinner with mutual friends.

We hit it off and started talking as friends through texting every day, sometimes until late at night. Once I returned to my country, the communication continued consistently for months, even until today.

Last May I decided to book a trip to see him to see how it would go. We ended up living under the same roof for a month. Things went well, we had a great time spending all that time together. It does feel friend-zone to me (no kissing or sex or anything). We just spent time getting to know each other.

A few days ago, I finally asked him how he feels about me, and he said he isn’t sure how he feels. He thought it wasn’t anything more than friends after the trip was over, however, we kept talking after the trip and now he’s not sure how he feels (again). He enjoys my company and he’s comfortable with our silence, which he rarely has. He said he’s scared to lose what we have, and that I mean a lot to him, he doesn’t want to hurt me. What do you think I should do? Thanks.

Tracy L. – London, England

Hey Tracy,

You are his friend, and that is all. You can continue to be his friend if you’d like to, but disavow any notion that you’re anything more to each other than pals. Do this is for you—not for him.

Here’s what I think you should do (and thank you for asking!):

  • Be his friend. Friends are great!
  • Recognize that long-distance rarely works out.
  • Meet and date guys who live in your region.
  • Be honest with him that you’re now dating other people.
  • Only stay with someone who knows how he feels about you and runs towards you like you’re the best human he’s ever met.

Waiting around to see if your friend will decide he wants to be with you would be settling, and that’s no good for anyone. He may be amazing, but not wanting to lose you is not a good enough reason to tie up your heart. I know that being single may not be your first choice, but compromising for someone who’s not all the way in with you is much worse. So, start dating, don’t settle or sell yourself short, and don’t stop until you get your heart’s desire.

Take care.

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