My husband’s religious beliefs are causing problems in our marriage and I need your help. We’ve been together for over 10 years. I grew up religious, and he joined our church shortly after we began dating because of my family's influence, but after I’d moved out of my parents’ house, my religious beliefs and practices have been non-existent.
My brother came out as gay when I was in my mid-twenties. I have a slight grudge against religion because it has made my parents and husband treat my brother differently. They believe he is spiritually possessed by demons - gay demons.
Going into our marriage, we discussed our different views and he decided he was okay with me being a non-believer. He said he would continue praying for me and knew God would bring me back once he saved my brother from these spiritual demons. I think he sees himself as our spiritual savior.
My brother hit a hard time and needed to come live with us for a few months, until January. My husband has not taken it too well. He believes gay spirits will hang around and does not want to risk our children (we are trying to get pregnant) being possessed by them - I wish I was joking here. So naturally he wants him to move out ASAP. I love my brother and my husband and I’m conflicted. What would you do?
SI – San Antonio, TX
Husband’s Religious Beliefs Interfere With Family Relations
Wow. It’s really tough for me to hold back from starting this letter with “run as fast as you can away from the crazy person you live with,” because I know this is a complex and real situation for you. But let me ask you just one question. Are you willing to have children with a man who cannot accept gay people? What if one of your children is gay? Did you know that 4% of Americans identify themselves as gay or lesbian? It may seem like a small percentage but those are just the folks who are out.
I’m not sure what had you say “yes, we’re compatible, let’s do this!” after he was on his knees praying for you two heathens, but that would have been a deal-breaker for me. You ask me what I’d do? I personally couldn’t go along to get along with this one.
Stay or go, pick your brother or your husband, that’s your choice to make. But I beg you, don’t have children with this man. Karma can be harsh, and it would break my heart to know that his beliefs and intolerance would be inflicted on an innocent (and potentially gay) child.