Ask Wendy

How Long Should I Wait to Hook Up After an LTR?

Friday, January 25, 2019
I just got out of an eight-year relationship and I want to be respectful to my ex. How long should I wait before I can start having casual hookups?

Caren C. – Los Angeles, California

Hey Caren,

Given that it’s been more than a second since you emailed me this question, I’d say you can start tapping whomever you’d like right now (consensually, of course).

Want to make extra sure you’re showing respect to your ex? Okay! Here’s a few parameters: Don’t sleep with your ex’s siblings (or any family member, really), close friends, clergyperson, or boss. Under most circumstances, those choices might not exactly fly.

I know eight years feels like a lot, and it is! Just ask any nine-year-old. But once you’ve broken up, no matter how many years you were together, no matter how amicable the separation, no matter how much you like them, you don’t owe them any more of your time. You’ve disentangled your lives and are free to do—and date—as you wish.

And from the sound of it, you can be proud of yourself for not sleeping with someone during the end of your LTR. Well done, seriously—as committed relationships come to a close, it can be super tempting to jump into bed with someone new while things are still raw, but that comes with its own bag of cats to declaw.

Now go get yourself some congratulatory connection time with new friends in the best way there is: guilt-free. Enjoy!

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