Drinking & Dating

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Hey Katy,

Many people think that dating is all about fun and adventure, and while that’s a huge part of dating, that’s not everything. Exploring compatibility is an important step not to be skipped.

He’s cute, fun, and good in bed top the list, but you want to start to investigate whether your day-to-day lives can mix, or if they separate like oil and vinegar.

Date Drinking

A combination of social norms and new-relationship nerves makes it common for people to drink and eat a bit more than usual at the start of dating. However, you can design your courting experience any way you like, so it doesn’t have to go like that. Do more of what you’ve done, like arranging putt-putt dates. You could bundle up and walk around a lake, or through a park, or favorite city streets. If you’re feeling particularly high energy and your guy is game, you could even go sledding, skiing, or other exciting winter activities.

How Important is Drinking?

If his life revolves around the pub and you’re not much of a drinker, you want to find out what that means for both of you if you end up in an LTR — and do so sooner rather than later. Consider the whole picture: How much time will he be spending at the pub when you’re not there with him? If the answer is “a lot,” are you fine with that? If you like a lot of alone time, that might work!

If you’re hoping that because you don’t drink much, he won’t drink out as much once things get serious, you’re probably going to regret it.

Right now — when both of you have little at stake — is the right time to be honest about what your lifestyles look like.

Opposites Attract is Bullshit

We say in our culture “opposites attract” and that’s true when you’re talking about hot chemistry. But if you’re looking at day-to-day compatibility, I’ve found the best relationships comprise of people who have similar ideas about how they spend their free time.

Most Guys Don’t Matter

Also, you asked isn’t this what most guys do? It kinda doesn’t matter what most guys do, because it’s not what you do. You don’t need most guys, you need your guy, and from what I can tell, your guy doesn’t drink that much.

Good luck!

Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 70,000+ women internationally.

Need one-on-one coaching from Wendy? You can hire her by the hour.

You can send a question to the column via email: [email protected]

Single? Take her 5-Day Love Breakthrough Course (for free — you’re welcome!)