I’m a person who is fit. Health and exercise is really important to me. I’ve recently met someone who’s active but a bit overweight. How do I get past that if he seems to have everything else I’m looking for?
Christine K. — Minneapolis, MN
We humans want to be loved for exactly who we are and exactly who we are not. Maybe you get past the extra girth and maybe you don’t. You may need to find a person who’s as committed to fitness and health as you are — only you get to say. Speaking as a rotund person, I’m here to tell you it’s 100% acceptable for you to pass on this guy, and if you do, don’t be hard on yourself. You’re allowed to like what you like and have preferences.
There are specific areas of life we pay attention to. For example, I’ve plunged head-first into the area of dating, sex and relationships and I spend a ridiculous amount of time learning things, reading things, thinking about things, and discovering things in this realm. I don’t know jack shit about trigonometry, botany, or Celtic traditions. Also? I don’t put my time and attention on the types of food and exercise needed to not be a round person. I choose not to focus my time here and at the moment, I’m okay with this. Luckily for me, I chose a partner who can fully get behind all that I am (and all that I’m not).
How you get past his extra poundage is, wait for it… you decide. If you choose to find this guy sexy, and you can love his body now, (love handles included) then awesome! But I beg of you, don’t try. If you can’t fully accept him “as is” I predict you will whirl him into a fix-it project, and the end result will not be lovely for either of you.
You’re the only one who can decide if you’re in or out. If you’re in, be all the way in. That’s a far better plan than trying to be a helpful health partner. If he wanted that, he’d have hired it. Inner inspiration is where change happens, especially when it comes to our physicality. And what might seem like inspiration to you may be nagging and unwelcome criticism to him.