Ask Wendy

What’s the Differences Between Girlfriend Privileges & Wife Privileges?

Tuesday, October 3, 2017
wife on her wedding day
Hey Wendy,

What do you consider are the differences between girlfriend privileges and wife privileges?

I love my boyfriend, but I’m wondering what privileges I should be reserving for when he’s my husband. At what point are you overextending yourself as a girlfriend? Like, would you do his laundry? Cook for him? Try anal? Cook in lingerie for him?

Would you do all this for a boyfriend? Or would you save it for marriage?

Hellen W, Redwood City, CA

Hey Hellen,

Are you asking me if I take it up the ass? Yeah, I’m not answering that. I will tell you, as someone who has no plans to ever marry my beloved partner of nearly five years, the one who I will most likely live with until one of us croaks, but is not my husband – he still gets all the “wifey” privileges I wish to give, and he has received wife privileges since we moved in together four years ago.

I’m curious why you wish to withhold wife privileges and ways to show affection, attentiveness, and appreciation. Do you think he’ll never marry you if he sees how truly amazing you are? Or that he’ll want you more if you keep him on an appreciation diet? Is it the old “cow/milk” metaphor nonsense we young girls were fed growing up? Don’t withhold yourself and your participation from your love. Instead, focus on what you’re dying to give, and be clear about what you’re totally uninterested in giving – ever.

Pay attention to the substance of your relationship instead of the form or title it takes. Whether he’s your boyfriend, fiancé, partner or husband, treat him like the man you love and admire, and give to him freely in ways that you’re excited about. Consider that if you feel “overextended” by something, that this is not yours to give at any stage of the relationship. Trust me, there are plenty of wives out there that have anal all the way off the table.

And before you walk down that aisle, I highly recommend you spend a little time investigating if you two are really a good match. Will he be grateful for the wife privileges you want to provide? check out Finding Your Love. This self-guided workshop you could do in an afternoon is your map seeing and understanding your level of compatibility.

Good luck.

Do you have a dating, sex or relationship question for Wendy? Send it to