I am perplexed. My ex of five years had been talking about us possibly getting back together since Christmas of last year. However, during the past 13 months, he’s never asked me on a date or even come to see me at my place unless it has to do with a family get-together. Was he just trying the scenario on out loud? He even asked me to go on a trip with him in the spring but that never materialized. I don’t hear from him unless there is a request to do something for his mother or for one of our children’s birthdays. Should I let go of any expectation and move along? Talking about ‘us’ is avoided like the plague.
Confused and perplexed from Seattle
Christmas 2016, huh? The plague? I’m not confused. You need to move on with your life. Ever heard the phrase “talk is cheap”?
Look, love and life aren’t always black and white with simple solutions. When he spoke about reconciliation over a year ago, it’s because he loves you. And you’re the mother of his children, he has fond memories, and you’re probably fun, sweet to be around and do tasks of service for him pretty well. Also, he never wanted to hurt you; he most likely promised he’d spend his life with you. He’s all tangled up in the strings of guilt, love, regret and longing.
And… he isn’t moving toward you (unless he needs something.)
Separations are messy. The instigator wonders if they’ve done the right thing – especially if they’re parting ways with someone they love who’s a good person. It’s a painful, painful process. And the feelings of regret and reconciliation are ever-present whether they’re spoken out loud or not. But at the end of the day, he’s not making this happen with you. And you deserve to be with someone who’s running at you full speed ahead saying, “YES! Finally, here you are; I’ve been waiting for you. We should be together.” While consistently taking actions that are in sync with his words.
Move on. And enjoy the friendship you have and can cultivate with your ex. Just because you’re not together as a couple anymore doesn’t mean you two don’t love each other. You can transition into being the family that loves each other, is there for each other, enjoys each other’s good company, and has each other’s back. (This is a real, doable thing. I have this relationship with my beloved ex.)
Good luck finding your new beau. Come take my live video dating success course, Ready for Love, starting January 24, 2018. You’ll get everything you need to have the dating process go well.