Ask Wendy

Do I Need to Make My Partner Top Priority?

Friday, October 21, 2016
Series conclusion: What causes a relationship to go into a downward spiral? #5. Not making each other top priority.

You couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from him when you crazy kids met. But after a year of living together, you’ve picked up another kickboxing class (or two), slid Wednesday girls’ night back into the calendar, and turned Saturday into work-from-home-in-your-sweatpants overtime day.

A year or two later, kids come along, and it turns out the little buggers are dependent on you for pretty much everything. Assigning them as your first priority is the responsible thing to do, right? You’ll still find time for your honey in there somewhere.

But where?

Taking each other for granted is a slippery slope. You can remedy this by treating each other (or the relationship as a whole) as your #1 priority—always. If you can see life from a “partnership first” angle, you can make all kinds of decisions on what to do, whom to see, and where to spend your time and energy that serve the partnership, even and absolutely including making time with others and fitting in plenty of alone or away time for yourself. When you put your relationship with your partner first, it makes handling all the other stuff a lot easier because, hey, there’s two of you.

Juggling autonomy, myriad responsibilities like kids and a career, and a rich and connected partnership is the newly balanced life, and it’s always changing. Good luck!
Hot tip: Shared Google calendars might help.




Do you have a dating, sex or relationship question for Wendy? Send it to [email protected].