Ask Wendy

Can I Invite My Friend & Not Her Boyfriend?

Reprinted from April 14, 2017
Hey Wendy,

A bunch of my friends want to get together Saturday since everyone will be home for Easter. My friend, Allison is dating a guy who we all dislike. He's about 10 years older than her, and the two of them got in a fight in front of us the first time we met him.

My friend, Kate is asking if she should ask Allison to not bring her boyfriend. This is most likely going to be a problem because Allison will want our friends from out of town to meet him. As much as I don't want him there I’m bringing my partner along (everybody loves him) and I'd feel bad if he came but her new guy couldn't.

Toni T - Troy, NY

Dear Toni,

“I’d feel bad if he came but her new guy couldn’t.” Yeah, that would be kind of a dick move, and will only cause strife between friends. Look, if it were a ladies’ brunch, you’d have a leg to sand on, but it’s not. This is friends getting together to hang out. She gets to bring her new boyfriend. You get to do one of two things:

Choice A) Put yourself at the other end of the table from them so you don’t have to deal with this loser, or…

Choice B) You can try and see what she sees in him and give him another chance.

If you want to be a good friend, stick close to her, and if the two of them fall apart, you can gently assist her in taking off her rose-colored glasses and help her see him through your (and it sounds like the rest of your friends’) eyes. If she stays with him (and he’s not abusive in any way) and you love her, I recommend adopting the friendship oath that my BFF and I took when we were single and dating different people. We always said, “If you love him, I love him, too. And if you hate him, I hate him, too.”

Good luck!

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