Ask Wendy

Do You Think I’m Too Picky?

Friday, December 6, 2019
Hey Wendy,

Is there such a thing as too picky? My friend tried to set me up, and when I didn’t like him she said I needed to broaden my options.

My deal-breakers might be petty. I just can’t be attracted to guys with hair any shorter than an inch or who are slightly overweight/unfit. A combination of the two and they will pass by me completely unnoticed. If I’m still successfully dating guys here and there who fit “my type,” is there any reason to change?

Becky T.

Hey Becky,

I bet you’re in your twenties or thirties, yes?

You say, “If I’m still successfully dating guys here and there who fit ‘my type,’ is there any reason to change?”

You get to have your standards. And, I’d recommend you look a little deeper than hair and precise body shape, because have you ever seen what happens to nearly every man as he ages? Hair is the first to go and depending on how much time he has to pay attention to his fitness (and genetics, of course) after forty, his body changes, too. Are you going to just trade your man in for a newer model when he hits middle age?

If physical fitness is super important to you, that’s awesome. Make sure you pick someone who has the same drive to stay physically fit as you do. And be sure he’s someone for whom that’s already important when you find him—i.e. doing it for himself, not just for you (because that won’t last).

“Too picky” is only a problem when what you want conflicts with other things you want. Like, “he needs to be physically fit” paired with “we spend our weekends together going to foodie restaurants and snuggling with Netflix.” That’s very likely two different men. You see where I’m going with this?

I’d focus on who would make a good match based on what you want in your life, what you value, and how you spend your time. Do you value together time? How are you with alone-time? Let’s say he does a Century bicycle with the guys on Saturday; he’s gone the entire day, and when he gets home he’s shattered and not up for anything but rest and recovery. Are excited to encourage that? Or are you looking for someone who has more time for you than physical activity away from you? Usually, the folks who make their physical fitness a priority spend their time, energy and money on being physical.

If you know exactly who you’re looking for, and the things that top your list don’t conflict, and you’re also attracted to him, then the rest doesn’t matter. Too picky? Who cares what people say? And if you aren’t sure who you’re looking for, here’s your tool to find out.

Good luck out there!


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