Today we’ll hear from Kristen & Annie
I’ve noticed an increase in men whom I’ve connected with online/dating app who completely drop off when I suggest we go from texting to a phone call, often with the intention to see about meeting up for the first time in person. I’m an introvert, and not a huge fan of chatting on the phone, but it seems like a very reasonable way to get to know someone before setting up a date. Part of me thinks well, if they can’t participate in one phone call then just move on; however, since this is happening often, it’s making me pause and question my strategy. Where are the men who have the basic social skills to go from online to in person with one phone call in between? I mean WTF?!
Kristen in Davis, CA
In Australia, Tinder is by far the best platform to meet men. Match.com and Cupid.com aren’t popular here. Most men have a fairly short bio (if at all), and due to the nature of the app, once you get a match, messages are generally sent as short texts rather than wordy emails. I find myself chatting to a lot of men (most of whom initiate the conversation with me) that just do not seem to know how to ask questions! In my messages, I will reveal a little something about myself and then ask a question to keep the conversation going. I try to keep the chat fun and interesting.
I’m getting frustrated and I presume that this is a representation of his real-life character. I mean, if he simply replies with a statement and no question in each message, it seems like he’s either very self-focused or clueless about how to talk to people, right?! After speaking to quite a few single women, this question-less conversation thing seems to be a relatively common problem. A different, but equally frustrating subset of men are the ones who use generic emails for everyone and don’t pull out anything personal. Am I being too judgy?
Annie, Melbourne, Australia.
Hey Kristen and Annie!
Thank you for giving voice to an issue that so many women around the world experience. Yeah, dating is frustrating—I hear you! There are a ton of guys who have zero game; daters who are clueless about how to succeed by paying just the slightest bit of attention to what makes up basic conversation; there are people who have no intention of ever meeting you face to face and are just reaching out because they’re lonely; and then there are the bots (i.e. not even real humans!) writing you text messages using basic emails and scripts that pull keywords—sorry about that.
And yet, dating sites/apps are still your best source for gaining access to real, live, amazing people you do want to date and who you don’t have access to in your everyday world.