When I first got into my relationship, I was happy. I didn’t make a fuss about too much. He was late all the time and I dealt with it. There were other things that I put up with but as time went on I noticed I couldn’t keep ignoring the things that bothered me.
Eventually, those things made me angry. If he was late, I “nagged” as he called it. I don’t like being a nag but at the same time, I dislike when people don’t respect my time. I notice that when my friends are late it does bother me, but I won’t argue with them for it either. I’m not sure if his lateness is what really bothers me or his ability to act like it wasn’t a big deal that he’s late. I’m angry nearly all the time in this relationship, not just because of the late thing but because he downplays every situation and it feels like my feelings are invalidated. I don’t want to be angry. We’re two years in and I don’t know what to do.
Linda ~ Santa Rosa, California
There’s an old Pagan custom called handfasting. Like an engagement period, two people would declare a binding union between themselves for a year and a day. It’s like a trial marriage. It gives the couple the chance to see if they could actually survive marriage. After a year, the couple could either split as if they had never been married, or decide to stick together for the long term.
I think this is genius because a new love’s charm often has us running straight at our target with our eyes wide shut. Then when the newness wears off: damn it! Turns out there are things that just aren’t tolerable about the person you were so sure was the right one.