Get ready to LOVE your life!
Happy single people are just like happily coupled people.
Yep, you read that right!
Why? Because we know one of the greatest — and simplest — secrets in life. Every day, we get to hang out with the most amazing person we know … ourselves!
And this doesn’t change when we find our perfect someone, because that person should never “complete” us; they should complement us. “Loving yourself” isn’t just a lip service concept — it’s a real way of life, whether your life is a partnered or not.
Entrusting the sacred task of caring for you to anyone else can feel like a delicious perk, but it’s far from a necessity. And what better time to start putting yourself first than while you’re flying solo?
Happy-making habits will get you a long way towards not only being “content” as a single person but towards truly loving your single self too.
So, to help you along here is some advice from those of us ALREADY rocking the happy single life.
Here’s what we do that makes solo living so amazing:
1. We revel in our autonomy
We do what we want to do, the way we want to do it, and on our own timeline.
Because we can!
We appreciate not having to negotiate conflicting schedules, deal with remembering to update anyone on our whereabouts or make concessions for differing preferences.
2. We don’t wait around
We ask ourselves, “What do I want to do?”, and then we do it (Or we don’t — it’s up to us.)
We don’t wait to get paired up to have whatever kind of fun we feel like having. If we want to go out, we go solo or wrangle a friend. We know that all activities are ours just as much as they belong to the coupled crowd.
Like what, you ask? My answer is anything — had off to a romantic island with a pal, travel abroad on your own, or explore neighborhoods in your city. Go to plays, museums, and films, eat in five-star restaurants, host Taco Tuesday for the gang, or just snuggle up in bed with a good book or film.
You can do it whether it’s unaccompanied or with someone else — be that someone else of the furry-friend variety or the friends-with-benefits sort, it’s your choice!
3. We get what we need
Learning what’s needed to be in top mental, emotional, and physical shape is an individual journey.
Anytime you notice you’re cranky, upset, irked, or just all-around off-balance, there’s something you need that you’re not getting. Happy single people pay attention to having enough sleep, physical movement, companion time, alone time, and fun time — and when the crankypants alarm bells start going off, we take action!
4. We do things that make us genuinely happy
We get a massage, buy ourselves flowers, grab a cupcake after lunch, or soak in a bubble bath. We indulge in life’s little luxuries.
5. We tend to our serenity
Whether it’s a lunch-break walk through an urban park, a three-minute quickie meditation practice, or a hike with the dog, quiet time (and especially time outdoors if you can swing it) feeds us a healthy dose of calm between the many storms of everyday life on our own.
6. We nurture love in all of our relationships
We spend focused love time with our dog, our cat, our pot-bellied pig, the pigeon in the park, a close friend, or a family member (just maybe not the annoying family members). We volunteer at a local animal sanctuary or at another organization where we care about making a difference.
Love comes in many forms, and it’s there for the giving and the taking almost everywhere you look.
7. We spend time with lots of people
We make random acts of kindness happen. We overtip our baristas. We look forward to the friends we haven’t met yet, and invite sexy people to connect with us, to flirt with us, to lean in closer.
We make room for strangers just to make our day a little bit brighter and hopefully add to the joy of their days, too.
8. We keep a morning gratitude list
It takes very little time, so why not?
We write down three things we’re grateful for to remind us what’s good, what’s worth it, and what makes the human experience something to be thankful for each and every morning. (Sometimes, I write mine in steam on the bathroom mirror.)
9. We use the buddy system
We cultivate deep friendships with other happy single people (think of it as your single crew’s very own social network) where we enjoy each other’s company, see each other’s pain, comfort each other when things are rough, cheer on each other’s victories, and most importantly, witness each other’s lives.
10. We build and tend to a life we love
We decide what flavor of life we want and we get right to work on mixing up a batch of it. We don’t ask ourselves, “How much more of this can I stand?” but “How great can I stand it?” and we take it from there.
We make plans for the future, we build businesses, we write books, we make friends, we travel, we create art, we get involved in what matters to us. We love ourselves.
In short, truly happy single people make our lives COUNT!
. . . .
Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 70,000+ women internationally.
Need one-on-one coaching from Wendy? You can hire her by the hour.
You can send a question to the column via email: [email protected]
Single? Take her 5-Day Love Breakthrough Course (for free — you’re welcome!)