History: The Full Moon ritual stemmed from an experience I had while I was leading a two-day sex workshop in 2006. In the workshop I tackled infidelity. While not 100% preventable, there are things we can do in partnership to lessen the chances of it happening. I gave women a question to ask their partner:
“Is there anything you need from me that you’ve given up on getting?”
Amazing question, right? It has the potential to be devastating, but could clear the decks for something amazing to happen within any relationship. It might give you the chance to prevent infidelities of all kinds. As a bonus, this question can be applied to anything within a good relationship, not just sex or infidelity.
Once as I was teaching this part of the workshop, I saw an 80-year old woman with tears streaming down her face. She was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary that very weekend. I could imagine that she’d never asked this question in all the time she was married. It just doesn’t occur to us to ask. This was my turning point. In that moment, I decided I wasn’t willing to be in a relationship without knowing the answer to this question.
Shortly after meeting Dave, I told him this story and we discussed how it could fit for our relationship. We put our heads together and came up with fourteen more questions. “Should we do it quarterly?” I asked. “Oh no, we should do it twice a month.” he said. We settled on monthly, and established it as our Full Moon Ritual. Since we have been meeting at the full moon from the start of our relationship, we realized fairly quickly that a monthly check-in doesn’t give us enough time to “give up” on anything. Instead, we revised the question to:
“Is there anything you need from me that you’re finding hard to get?”
This is just one of 15 questions we ask each other each month. We have a delicious ritual where we acknowledge each other, say what we love about each other and our relationship at that moment. We also do some light “housekeeping” to see if there’s anything that’s slipped under the rug. In daily life there’s just never a good time to bring up the bad stuff, the hard stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, even if you want to. You get busy, or tired, or you’re afraid. Then it goes on to irritate you, and may start festering, which makes you decide to let it go — but you don’t really let it go. This is the beginning of a downward spiral.
Your Full Moon Ritual will give you questions to ask each other to take your relationship to the next level.
“These questions were a game-changer in my marriage. After just one conversation, we took an already good marriage to an entirely new place — Priceless.”
-Jenny M. – San Diego, CA