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3 Lies Women Tell Themselves About What Men Want

woman sitting on couch

We’re making it harder than it has to be.

Maybe it started when your kindergarten friend pulled you aside and whispered a warning into your ear after seeing you dash across the schoolyard in a game of kissing tag at recess. Or later, when you told your best friend your most prized secret, that you’d had your first real kiss (with tongue!).

Certainly, some helpful female family member or friend laid down the facts for you when Aunt Flow came for her first visit. And by the time you were a grown woman, adulting all over the place — dating, hooking up, and everything in between — you not only had the facts, but you were also doling out sage advice of your own.

We, women, have been cautioning each other and having each other’s backs about men since the beginning of time, but some of the things we share about what men want are just bold-faced lies (whether we know it or not).

The real problem is this: These lies we tell make finding and keeping lasting love h-a-r-d.

Get the top three worst offenders…and the truth about what’s really going on with men of all ages by reading my article on YourTango.com here.

10 Stages Of Finding Love When You’re New To Online Dating

couple on a date

From the first click to the first date.

I had to go on 121 first dates before I found my love, Mr. Lucky #121. Can you even imagine? Boy, did I experience a lot. I saw the good, the bad, and the truly ugly, and I learned hundreds of lessons the hard way — so that you don’t have to.

With this in mind, I’ve discovered that there are 10 stages of online dating. Knowing about each stage will help you navigate the tricky and sometimes insidious world of online honey-hunting so that you can have more fun and freedom on your journey to meeting the love of your life.

Learn the 10 stages of finding love by reading my article on YourTango.com by clicking here.

Three Weird Things That Make Men Fall In Love (And Stay In Love)

makes him want to stay

What makes men fall in love and stay in love is my jam. I’m obsessed. Seriously. I’ve spent the last 16 years researching the topic, and I’ve asked thousands of guys what sparked it for them.

Sometimes their answers are obvious, but my favorites are the ones that leave me picking my jaw up off the floor, like when one man said, “When we had sex in a moving vehicle that neither of us were driving.”

Or the time another said, “I fell in love with my wife on our third date. We were making out at a lookout point and eventually she had to pee. She said, ‘It’s okay, I’ll go in the bushes,’ and she did! No bathroom to find, no problem to solve, and we didn’t even have to leave the lookout point. I kinda loved her in that moment.”

Read the rest of my article on YourTango.com

The Jealousy Hack That Creates Happy, Healthy, Passionate Relationships

woman green with jealousy

You don’t have to be such a slave to jealousy.

Jealous (adj.): Fearful or wary of losing one’s position or situation to someone else, especially in a sexual relationship. —American Heritage Dictionary

Jealous much? Don’t hide under that green hoodie—it’s easier to get a handle on than you think. Jealousy stirs within you because of love (or lust), but it’s the very thing that can kill these things, too.

Luckily, this jealously thing is fixable, but whatever you do, don’t look to the lessons you learned as a kid (or teen, or even adult) for the fix. Our society has a bizarre relationship with jealousy that has screwed us over royally, so we’ll need to do some unpacking first.

7 bizarre societal lessons you’re taught about jealousy that mess you up (that are total myths):

1. It’s something that just happens to you.

You have no control over it. It comes out of nowhere like a glitter bomb at a nightclub.

2. It means you care about or love someone.

In fact, if you’re not jealous, do you really love him? Not a jealous person?

Maybe it’s not really love, then.

Wildly jealous? They must be The One.

Read the full article by Wendy Newman on YourTango.com here.

6 Ways Waiting For Prince Charming Keeps YOU From Happily Ever After

woman waiting in cafe

I was willing to abandon my Kool-Aid Hawaiian punch, favorite animal coloring books, and my 64-pack of crayons that lay strewn across the front porch just for a glimpse of him.

I’d race to the end of my driveway to see that one boy riding his black-and-silver dirt bike past my house.

He was handsome, (Wendy translation: thin and wiry with messy hair) and the last day I saw him, he was wearing black-and-white checked Vans, a gray t-shirt, and Levis.

I memorized that outfit.

After all, when he returned … Read the rest of Wendy Newman’s published article on YourTango.com here.

The #1 Game Over, Flaming Red Flag You Should Never Ignore On A Date

DateMistakeSmallIf he does this on a first date … don’t see him again!

Consent” is a hot word right now. And it should be. I hope it’s here to stay. Because when a date does something against your explicit wishes, it’s game over, right?

But, I’ve noticed the “consent” conversation largely hovers around sexual consent only (and the trauma caused when consent is absent and sexual assault occurs). —

Yet, men often show you on the very first date whether they care (or not) about honoring your boundaries.

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A Valentines Double Dog Dare

Funky heart 200x300Did you know while Valentines was created to celebrate a saint, it’s first association with romantic love came along in 18th-century England? Yup, that’s long before Hallmark Cards ever made the scene (Jan. 1910).

In the 18th-century, Valentines became an occasion similar to what it is today — a day where lovers express love for each other by offering flowers, candy and yes, sending those sometimes adorable, sometimes sappy valentines day cards. In Europe, they weren’t rushing around trying to find a $$$ restaurant with a 7:30 spot on OpenTable.com. Instead, Saint Valentine’s keys were given out as a gift of love and as an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart.

Now, I’m down for going with convention when it serves me, but I always think convention should be questioned and thought through newly. I mean there might be a good reason for it, but that good reason in 18th-century England might not make sense in 21st-century America. So several yeas ago, and as a single person, I did just that. I thought about conventional Valentines day and  I redesigned it to suit my needs, I gave it a bit of an update. I found one concept worth keeping: an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart. Continue reading