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“Consent” is a hot word right now. And it should be. I hope it’s here to stay. Because when a date does something against your explicit wishes, it’s game over, right?
But, I’ve noticed the “consent” conversation largely hovers around sexual consent only (and the trauma caused when consent is absent and sexual assault occurs). —
Yet, men often show you on the very first date whether they care (or not) about honoring your boundaries.
Did you know while Valentines was created to celebrate a saint, it’s first association with romantic love came along in 18th-century England? Yup, that’s long before Hallmark Cards ever made the scene (Jan. 1910).
In the 18th-century, Valentines became an occasion similar to what it is today — a day where lovers express love for each other by offering flowers, candy and yes, sending those sometimes adorable, sometimes sappy valentines day cards. In Europe, they weren’t rushing around trying to find a $$$ restaurant with a 7:30 spot on OpenTable.com. Instead, Saint Valentine’s keys were given out as a gift of love and as an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart.
Now, I’m down for going with convention when it serves me, but I always think convention should be questioned and thought through newly. I mean there might be a good reason for it, but that good reason in 18th-century England might not make sense in 21st-century America. So several yeas ago, and as a single person, I did just that. I thought about conventional Valentines day and I redesigned it to suit my needs, I gave it a bit of an update. I found one concept worth keeping: an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart. Continue reading
Stop the madness!
“I can bring home the bacon … Fry it up in a pan … And never let you forget you’re a man … Cuz I’m a woman!“
The lyrics to that insidiously catchy 1980s Enjoli perfume jingle (and the brand’s slogan: “An 8-hour perfume for the 24-hour woman”) have stuck with me long after the scent faded.
By my early teens, I had already learned that, as a woman, I needed to go-go-go (I’m the 24-hour woman, right?) in order to “have it all.”
Success as a woman meant being a top-dollar breadwinner, a great cook, and an flawlessly sexy, attentive wife — all poured into a slinky cocktail dress that I’d wear while churning out award-winning articles with one hand and mouth-watering appetizers with the other. No pressure. Continue reading
When you’re Internet dating it’s possible to get too connected by phone before meeting. This is a rookie mistake worthy of avoiding whenever possible. When we do this, we get hooked, and guess what? Most men know in the first five seconds if they’re attracted to you (or not). The odds that it will work in real time for you and for him are much, much smaller than the fantasy of the telephone. Continue reading
Want a taste of the book, and you’ve already read Why Didn’t He Call? Here’s a little more…
So you met him online. He’s amazing. He has qualities you admire and he’s totally sexy, too. Good for you. Here comes the hardest part: After the first date, you’re going to want to visit him online. You’re curious, and your brain wants to gather as much information about him as possible. You think maybe if you reread that profile again, you’ll learn something new. Plus, when you visit his profile, you feel connected, and that makes you all warm and fuzzy, right? Wrong. Continue reading
Have you ever been in a meeting where a man just leaves? Maybe he doesn’t leave, but his enthusiasm wanes. Do you have trouble getting participation from men on your team? Consider the problem may be as simple as the difference between how men and women communicate and produce results effectively. Continue reading