Working With Me
We begin with some version of the question, “What do you need?”
Do you need problem solving or advice from someone who’s seen it all before? Whether it’s giving you another point of view, or helping you see what might be a blind spot, I’ve got you.
Do you need someone safe who will just listen – I mean really hear what you have to say, no judgment, even if it takes two hours?
I have an amazing ability to listen — not from “how can I fix this” but from “What else does she need to say?” I will listen to the whole story, because I understand sometimes we never get the opportunity to talk it all the way out, and often once we have, we have more insight on what we need next.
You can count on me to…
- Give it to you straight with love and compassion
- Be efficient with your time
- Tell you if I think I can’t help you
- Give you everything I’ve got
You can’t count on me to…
- Sugar-coat situations to make you feel better
- Agree with you
- Say you should stay with someone if you present me with wildly impossible incompatibilities
- Not swear – sometimes I do
- Get you married (that’s your part)
I am anti-rules and full of common sense. If you’re dating, courting, or in a committed relationship like marriage, when it comes to rules I want you to question everything — the only ones I want you to follow are your own. And I recommend instead of following rules, try creating best practices.
Rules and strategies made up by others won’t work for you. Why? Because they’re not yours, they’re someone else’s. For example, a common question many women ask is “When is the right time to sleep with him for the first time so it turns into a relationship?”
- The Rules (circa 1995) says 3 dates
- The 30 Day Method is floating around online
- Steve Harvey’s book offers a 90 day rule
Which one is right? There’s an 86-day spread for error here. Which one is true? The answer is none of them. Why? Because these rules are not your best practices, they don’t belong to you.
I can help you run rules, strategies and ideas through your own internal filter to see what aligns with who you are.
Convention, tradition and following the pack are not my strong suits. Here you’ll find a judgment-free zone where we noodle around in what could bring you happiness and give you what you need and desire. I will help guide you to your own best practices based on your authentic self, and what works for your life.
In April of 2002 I started working for PAX Programs Inc., the company committed to understanding gender differences and partnering well. (Founded by relationship exert, Alison Armstrong.) As a workshop leader, one of my jobs was to continue researching men. This enabled me to see a man’s world in a whole new way, and I gained real life experience of what worked (and what really didn’t work) in the practical application of relating with men.
I make good use of the information I’ve gathered from researching thousands of men since 2002.
After spending countless hours with women in workshop rooms, and one on one in private sessions, I have seen, experienced and worked through the patterns, themes and common struggles we women share. Some are biological and instinctual, others are cultural, and we often think we’re alone in these struggles – you are not alone.
Personally, I was married 12 years. At the end of that marriage, I was single from 2002-2012. During that time I went on 121 first dates to meet my partner, Dave (lucky #121).
I know what works, and what I tried that bombed miserably — and I’m willing to share it all.