Ask Wendy

What If He Says He Wants Something Casual But Won’t Stop Texting?

Tuesday, September 5, 2017
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woman looking at her phone as men won't stop texting
Hey Wendy,

I went out with this new guy, and I liked him a lot but he said he was only looking for something casual. I told him I’m not interested in that, and that I don’t date for sport. Now he keeps messaging me. What should I do?

SL – Jersey City, NJ

Hey S –

If I were to be charitable, I’d say maybe he won’t stop texting because he liked your clarity and wants to get to know you better, perhaps for a relationship. But what’s more likely is he’s showing you that he doesn’t care what you’re looking for. He wants what he wants. And that’s to get to know you for something casual.

You might write back and say, “So you said you were looking for something casual. I said I’m not interested in that. This makes us not a fit. But here you are, texting me. Did I misunderstand something?” See what he comes back with.

I wish I could have been the proverbial fly on the wall during your actual date, because I can’t see the date dynamics in action. Were you daydreaming out loud about your future life with him, as a stay-at-home mom with four of his children? Or were you simply asking him what he likes to do for fun on the weekends? Did you turn up the heat, or were you chill on this date?

Sometimes women get “I’m looking for something casual” when we come on too strong in the first few hours of knowing someone. It’s one of the biggest (and most common) mistakes we women make when we’re on that date. So if you led with the end game in mind, he may have thrown you that line to slow things down.

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