Reprinted from October 14, 2016
I’m 63, and my boyfriend of 18 months is 56.
I have a need for more touching, kissing, foreplay, and sex than he does and I end up initiating much of the time.
I know men’s testosterone levels drop after 50; however, I find myself craving more of his initiating—it makes me feel desired.
We’ve talked and he’s noticed that I’m a much more passionate person than he is and he wondered if he was enough for me. I have let him know that he is a wonderful lover. I never criticize and always ask for things in kind and positive ways. I know about herbs he could take for the testosterone-level problem, but have held off sharing about them.
I don’t want to start dating all over again. We have a nice weekend relationship, he is able to get it up, he has lots of great qualities and is a very good person, we dance every weekend, and he is able to keep up with me decently in other ways. Help!
Dear Sex Goddess,
Have you ever had a plant you forgot to water? Or maybe you watered it, but only once a month when it required weekly care. Maybe you just didn’t give it the attention it needed… What happened to that plant?
You, my love, are a luscious flower that needs to be attended to. The short-term effects of mismatched desires lead to annoyance and frustration; over-initiating will take its toll, and the long-term effects are detrimental to your essence. A sensual woman needs to feel desired or the fresh, juicy part of her spirit slowly withers and dies—which can be soul crushing. We passionate ones need to be wanted, crave to be desired and seen, and need to express all the amore there is to express.
Men’s testosterone levels drop as they age, it’s true. That said, there are plenty of men over 50 who have sex drives so high you’d be begging for a break. You’ll be better off addressing this from a compatibility angle rather than an age angle. (more…)