Friday, May 26, 2017
I am having trouble with comparing myself to my boyfriend’s ex. Before I ever met him, I knew his mother. She would show me pictures of him and his ex-fiancé, and she talked well of her.
They were together for six years. They come from a small town where they were treated like a celebrity couple. I see old photos online where it seems like hundreds of people were rooting for them.
When it comes to past relationships, the less I know the better, but I knew all about this other woman before I ever spoke one word to my boyfriend, so I’m having trouble feeling like I’m not as good and won’t measure up.
You are not competing with her. He is your boyfriend. He is not holding her up in his mind while running an analysis against everything you do to see how you measure up. “Hmm…Margie kept a cleaner house than Carrie, so I still like Margie better.” This. Is. Not. Happening. He’s also not in bed with you comparing your body to hers—I can just about promise you that. Men tend to just focus on one thing, one person, one act at a time, and when he’s in the moment with you, he’s in the moment with you.
I hear you when you say it’s uncomfortable knowing all these details about your love’s past relationship, but here’s the thing: He had a whole life before you showed up (just like you did). There were people around—some of whom he loved, hung out with, drank beers with, flirted with, kissed, wished he could kiss—long before you. He is entitled to a history.