Friday, December 9, 2016
Wendy, what did you wear when you met all those men? I wear dresses and boots, but I’m not getting many men and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m intimidating them by the way I am dressed. Yet I feel more comfortable in a dress and definitely look better.
There’s nothing intimidating about an article of clothing unless there are spikes coming out of it, in which case, your target audience might be a little more specific. I wore dresses, skirts, boots, and sometimes 6” stripper heels. In other words, I wore what made me happy. Yes, stripper heels made me happy—until they broke my feet and relegated me to the sartorially challenged realm of the orthopedic shoe.
I have a girlfriend who looks sensational in pantsuits. She should not wear dresses, skirts, boots, or stripper heels like me. She should wear pantsuits because she loves them and looks fantastic in them.
Friday, December 2, 2016
I’m dating a man with children (15F, 19M, 23M) all living at home, full-time. They really like me, and have warmly welcomed me into the family.
I need help with sharing his time. If I try to only see him on “date nights” I miss him. We don’t want to date others but quite frankly it’s hard for me to balance my life, a life with just him, and a life with the whole gang. I enjoy them all but it’s a new experience and I find myself getting wiped out!
Hats off to you for winning the kids over. That part can be rough going—especially with teen girls. So: this is not a guy you’re dating, but rather a whole family you’re trying on for size. I don’t think the answer lies in a rigid formula mapping out the number of times or hours you’ll spend together. Instead, this could be a shining opportunity to master saying “no thank you” as easily as you say “Yes, that would be nice.” Set the stage now for the kind of fluidity in your schedule that serves you best and fills all your different tanks.
Friday, November 25, 2016
My husband and I had a baby just nine months after we met. I then found out he had another girlfriend. I left. He apologized, promised never to do it again, and asked me to elope with him: I did.
We’re now at the three-year mark with two children. I just found a secret email account that holds 40 addresses, most of which are gay men my husband has had sex with repeatedly. Is my husband secretly gay? I am crushed. I don’t know if I can trust him. What should I do?
Ouch! I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine how you felt the moment you found that account, and my heart goes out to you. Now, let’s get to solving this.
Your husband’s sexual orientation is not the point. The real issue here is trust.
Friday, November 18, 2016
My husband has a huge penis and sex with him has always hurt. I haven’t said anything because I’m not sure there’s anything that can be done about it. Can you tell me if there’s a way sex can be better for me?
We women know the struggle is real, yet guys always make such a fuss about dick size. I wish everyone could get on the same page on this issue. Say it with me: It’s not the size that counts—it’s the fit. And an extra large peg trying to cram its way into a small hole sounds more like “ouch!” than “ahhh.”
This is a tricky one because all the good advice in the world won’t help if you two are too far apart in size. If this is the case, you’ll be limited to just a couple of options I’ve presented below, but hey, a couple’s better than none. Ready for my suggestions? Buckle up!
Friday, November 11, 2016
My partner is upset and somewhat inconsolable about the election. I’m worried. What can I do? We’ve been Trumped.
I hear you, sister. Half (or more) of our nation is in mourning and worried sick right now. We all have work to do to bring peace, our values, and safety to those we love and those we care about. So let’s start at home.
Friday, November 4, 2016
I am not at my ideal weight. I don’t feel sexy, so I don’t date or pick up on cues from men. Any tips?
“Look, with my luck, I will starve myself, work out, reach my ideal weight, and then the next day get hit by a bus.” —Drew Barrymore
I’ve never met a woman who thought she’d reached her “perfect” weight and shape. Ever. The misstep here is avoiding engaging with guys because you believe your sexiness is tied to the number sewn into the back of your sweater.
We’ve had it pummeled into us that there’s only one kind of sexy: skinny, voluptuous breasts n’ booty, and feathery white wings shooting off your shoulder blades as you strut down the runway in slinky lingerie. Oh sure, we’re willing to make the occasional exception for, say, Christina Hendricks. Our society has lost its ability to distinguish reality from fantasy, and there’s very little room for anything other than that one unattainable-to-the-masses shape.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Okay, I’m trying to get past a guy who “ghosts” me…again and again. How do you get past your past and really find Mr. Right?
It’s much quicker to move past (and away from) someone who’s behind you rather than right in front of you.
You aren’t stuck with that ghost, even if he’s intermittently haunting you. You move past your past by leaving it exactly where it is and skating two long strides forward. Pay attention to your present, and daydream about your future ~ without him in it.
It’s tempting to indulge in daydreams of the things that you like about him, those feelings of delight and desire that are both familiar and exciting. But when the sensations are an entangled mess of pleasure, pain, and deep-rooted twinges of abandonment and unworthiness, the sweetness turns bitter.
So don’t feed the ghost. Instead, try these two experiments:
Friday, October 21, 2016
Series conclusion: What causes a relationship to go into a downward spiral? #5. Not making each other top priority.
You couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from him when you crazy kids met. But after a year of living together, you’ve picked up another kickboxing class (or two), slid Wednesday girls’ night back into the calendar, and turned Saturday into work-from-home-in-your-sweatpants overtime day.
A year or two later, kids come along, and it turns out the little buggers are dependent on you for pretty much everything. Assigning them as your first priority is the responsible thing to do, right? You’ll still find time for your honey in there somewhere.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Series continuation: What causes a relationship to go into a downward spiral? #4: Never let anything be good enough, and criticize the crap out of everything.
Most of us women hate criticism. We hate it. But we take it if it’s good advice. Do you know if a random street person off their meds told me I looked ugly in purple, I may never wear that color again? It’s true. Hopefully, unlike me, you consider the source before you change your habits (or your sweater), but you get the idea.
We make changes in our lives based on outside influences, pressures, and suggestions all the time.
Because we assume men are the same, we often use criticism as a way to get them to change, to do something we want them to do, to stop doing something we don’t, or to just get them off the goddamned couch and take out the trash already.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Series continuation: What causes a relationship to go into a downward spiral? #3: Being Unhappy
I’ll be happy when…
- I meet him
- My finances aren’t so out of whack
- My kids are happy
- My health is better
- He marries me
- I finish (fill in the blank here)
This list? It’s a trap. And it’s not true. You’ll be happy for about five seconds until you see another thing that needs to be accomplished, then another and another, and soon you’ll be right back to feeling down on yourself.
Happiness is something that we all look for, hope for, or are envious of in others. A lucky few of us understand that happiness is a constant choice, not a circumstance or static state of being. Happiness is a place to come from within ourselves, and even knowing that, we sometimes fail at being happy.