Ask Wendy

How Do I Deal with Online Insults?

Friday, July 28, 2017
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Hey Wendy,

How do you respond when you let someone know you aren't interested and they respond with insults?

Hey Dater,

I don’t. And you shouldn’t, either. It’s the weirdest thing—anyone reading this who hasn’t done much online dating likely doesn’t know what you’re talking about, but I sure do.

I recommend that when it comes to online dating, we should all strive to be good citizens. If someone reaches out with something real to say—I mean more than six real words with at least an attempt at grammar and everything, not “suuuupppp?” or “hi baby”—then that’s worth responding to with a quick, kind no thank you if you’re not interested (I don’t even bother with the Suuuppp-Babies). Most guys totally appreciate that!

I have a friend whom I love, and when he was dating on Match.com he wrote to 40 women in a row, and crickets…that drove him right off the site never to date online again.

A kind and friendly “Hey, thanks for writing, but we’re not a match. Thanks for reaching out!” is a nice-person thing to do. And yeah, every once in a while, our courtesy is repaid with nonsense like, “You’re ugly and a total loser. Bitch, this is why u r single.” And that’s a tame one.

I don’t get it.

I mean, beyond some people being horrible receivers of rejection, I just don’t get the point. And it can really shake a person. But I don’t want this behavior to shake you for more than a millisecond, so here’s how you handle it:

The instant—and I mean even if you’re three letters into the first word of that email—you can tell it’s one of those emails, hit that delete key and then block them.

Once that part’s over, shake that sucker off. Burn some sage, listen to Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off or do the “not mine” dance—whatever it takes.

Then, once you’ve shed that B.S., do something that makes you happy for at least 30 minutes. Lastly, right before you go back online, remember this: Your person is out there, and all of this is totally worth it once you get to your love.

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