Ask Wendy

How do I Deal with My Boyfriend Meeting My Crazy Mother?

Tuesday, June 27, 2017
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How do I Deal with My Boyfriend Meeting My Crazy Mother?
Hey Wendy,

I’ve met my boyfriend’s parents multiple times, but he has yet to meet mine, and it’s about to happen and I’m freaking out. Here’s why:

My family consists of my mother and uncle, and they are coming for a visit next week. My mother is a tinfoil-hat-wearing-crazy-lady. Literally. She stuffs tinfoil into a baseball cap. She also wears tinfoil body armor, never bathes, and doesn’t wear her colostomy bag. Yup, that’s mom.

Boyfriend knows about the tinfoil but not about the other stuff. I'm freaked out because I feel like it’s one thing to hear about this stuff, it's a whole other thing to actually witness it in person and realize this could be your mother in law. Also there's that old saying that I've always hated, "If you want to see how your girlfriend will turn out, look at her mother." I'm afraid he'll take one look at her and run for the hills.

Also, I lied about his job. My family asked about his job and I panicked and said he worked at the museum where I first met him. He’s actually a driver. I don't know how to tell him that I lied about his job. I don't know how to tell my family about his job either. They are old school and think the man should be the primary breadwinner and that I should marry rich. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I know my family is going to judge him for his job and judge me for dating him.

Hey Girlfriend,

Okay, wait a minute…you’re telling me you’re freaked out about Tinfoil Mama judging your boyfriend’s job? Umm, what now?

In all seriousness, yes, this is definitely going to be awkward. So own it with your boyfriend beforehand. Tell him your fears as you’ve outlined them for me. And maybe you two can align on his job story (truth or slightly fictitious, it doesn’t really matter—whatever you’re both most comfortable with), then see if he’ll grab your hand, board the express line for Crazy Town, and stand by your side for the whole ride. If he can do this, he’s just passed a pretty big partner test, because that’s what partners do—they have each other’s back, tinfoil hats and colostomy bags (or lack thereof) and all.

Good luck!

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