Ask Wendy

I Can’t Shake an Attraction for My Co-Worker

Friday, September 22, 2017
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attraction to a co-worker
Hey Wendy,

I’m attracted to a co-worker but this will never work. We see each other every day, and as I've gotten to know him, I can see we are in no way compatible for a relationship. I take relationships slow and he treats them like a sprint race. I want kids and he hates kids. I could not care less about having the latest and newest things and he is a bit more materialistic than me.

Logically, it will never work, but I can't let it go with him. I can still remember what he wore the first time I met him and the thoughts I had in the first few minutes of seeing him. How do I stop being completely infatuated with someone that’s not right for me?

SJR – Oakland, CA

Hey SJ,

Infatuation can range anywhere from delightful to unnerving. Whatever state you’re in, I promise you – whether you have him or not – the infatuation will fade all on its own. That’s just the nature of nature.

Currently, you’re experiencing new relationship energy (NRE) which is causing you to feel the heightened state of excitement and euphoria as you get to know him. This dopamine-induced trip also makes him way more amazing than he might actually be. Just hold on tight and wait for the drugs to wear off.

Might it be possible to allow yourself to simply feel all these feelings without doing anything about them? Can you take in the pleasure of the zingy energy when you sit side by side in the cafeteria, legs slightly touching under the table while you eat turkey and cheddar sandwiches and split a bag of chips, all without making a move? If you become honest-to-god friends with this guy, the crush just might dissipate. If that doesn’t feel safe to you, then cool it down by keeping your distance.

Good luck out there!

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