Friday, May 26, 2017
I am having trouble with comparing myself to my boyfriend’s ex. Before I ever met him, I knew his mother. She would show me pictures of him and his ex-fiancé, and she talked well of her.
They were together for six years. They come from a small town where they were treated like a celebrity couple. I see old photos online where it seems like hundreds of people were rooting for them.
When it comes to past relationships, the less I know the better, but I knew all about this other woman before I ever spoke one word to my boyfriend, so I’m having trouble feeling like I’m not as good and won’t measure up.
You are not competing with her. He is your boyfriend. He is not holding her up in his mind while running an analysis against everything you do to see how you measure up. “Hmm…Margie kept a cleaner house than Carrie, so I still like Margie better.” This. Is. Not. Happening. He’s also not in bed with you comparing your body to hers—I can just about promise you that. Men tend to just focus on one thing, one person, one act at a time, and when he’s in the moment with you, he’s in the moment with you.
I hear you when you say it’s uncomfortable knowing all these details about your love’s past relationship, but here’s the thing: He had a whole life before you showed up (just like you did). There were people around—some of whom he loved, hung out with, drank beers with, flirted with, kissed, wished he could kiss—long before you. He is entitled to a history.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
Sometimes when I chat with guys online, they are quick to talk about or reference sex in our first conversation. That creeps me out. Here’s my question: I’m wondering if I should try and get used to it, or do something differently because sexual banter is okay, or is this a major sign to leave that person alone?
When a guy talks about sex in the first few exchanges before ever meeting you, he’s letting you know what he wants—and what he wants is, well. sex. He’s also telling you he doesn’t have enough regard for you (or he doesn’t have enough brains in his head) to not risk blowing it with you by bringing up boning before you’ve even gotten to beers Continue reading
Friday, May 19, 2017
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He recently admitted to me that he was generally attracted to a different body type than mine and that he sometimes finds me physically unattractive.
He now feels awful for telling me, and he likes me in every other way. He says he and I just click, he’s happy, and he’s never been in a relationship so long.
He also emphasized that this was not how he always feels about me, but fuck, what do I do with this? I am not an unattractive lady. I love him and I don’t want to lose him, but ughhh…
Wow, I’m so sorry! That must have been incredibly painful to hear and a real hit to your ego. Ouch!
I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there are plenty of guys out there who will be attracted to you just as you are. The bad news is that this situation is not good news for your relationship.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
My significant other of four years has forgotten my birthday for two years in a row. Today is my birthday and I just don’t know how I feel about this.
I don’t care about presents at all—like AT ALL—and he knows that. All I wanted was a greeting or acknowledgement that it’s my birthday, and nothing. He knew my birthday was coming up but just completely forgot that today is THE day.
He tried to apologize but just didn’t sound sincere (or maybe I just didn’t want to listen to his reasoning, not sure). Do I have the right to feel shitty or am I overreacting?
Happy birthday! Sorry he forgot. To answer your questions: Do you have the right to feel shitty or are you overreacting…
Friday, May 12, 2017
Online dating can wipe me out. Especially when it comes to email. I get tons of messages from guys that I’m just not interested in. Any suggestions on how to not allow the online dating process to not feel like a draining sorting process?
Popularity does have its downsides.
Here’s what to do: Before you open your inbox, try editing your profile. Toward the end of your blurb, say something like, “I look forward to hearing from you! I respond to those who write more than six words and fit within the online pull-down specifications outlined in my profile.”
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married anymore. We’re 28 and have been together for 11 years now.
It was love at first sight, but we lived four hours apart and that distance took a toll on our relationship. A few years in, I left my small town and went to live with him in the big city, but within a few months of being together we were on again / off again for about a year. He proposed but took the ring back 11 days later.
We are together again, and we recently moved a thousand miles away from everyone/everything we know, so he could pursue his career. Now he tells me he never wants to get married or have kids. I am fine with it, I guess. Is it normal for a guy to change his mind like that? He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am confused.
Tuesday, May 5, 2017
About 5 years ago my husband and I moved in with his parents so we could save up some money to buy a house. Turns out his mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist, which I kinda had a hint of from early in our relationship, but thought it wouldn’t be a problem since we were gonna be living in a basement apartment separate from her.
Well turns out they wanted us to integrate, and made sure to keep their computer, tv, couch, etc down there to use whenever.
Fast forward a year, and I had basically become enslaved. My husband’s mother says things to keep me down, makes me cook dinner for everyone, clean up the whole house, take care of the dogs, take her younger kids to school and pick them up. She knew since we were living there she could basically do whatever she wanted. I was extremely depressed, basically wanted to die all the time and eventually found a meetup group to go hang out with to give myself something to do. Continue reading