I’ve been in a happy relationship for almost seven months now, and it’s pretty serious. We’re both in our late forties, have solid careers, and tidy endings to our first marriages. My guy has been divorced now for over ten years, and his ex-wife is lovely.
Here’s the problem: Several years ago, my boyfriend met a woman who turned into a friend who trains for Marathons with him. She’s about 10 years older than he is, says she’s in love with him, and has been the #1 reason for every breakup he’s had since she’s known him. He says they’re platonic, and he’s told her that nothing would ever happen between them because he’s not attracted to her.
She acts like a jealous girlfriend (calling over and over until he picks up, berating him, etc.) and he lets her do it. He’ll say, “I better pick up or she’ll just keep calling.” He doesn’t have any boundaries with her. He’ll even talk to her at really inappropriate times (like when we’re being intimate).
A marathon is coming up and they’re in training now. It’s been awkward since they are used to sharing a hotel room. He asked me if I was okay with it, and I’m not. He told her, “I can’t share a hotel room with you because Sarah has an issue with it.” He’s willing to put in boundaries when I’m to blame. And he said he would break off the friendship with her if I need him to, but I don’t want to be the cause of a friendship ending, but I don’t like what’s happening either. Help!
Sarah D., San Jose, California
I take issue with this woman being the reason every one of your guy’s previous relationships ended. It’s not her who’s the problem—it’s your guy.
Let me help you out here. Instead of responding to you, I’m going to talk to your guy for a second. Please print this column out and hand it over to him. Okay? (more…)