Friday, March 31, 2017
I really like the guy I’m dating, and he’s following his passion in music but he’s financially unstable and he makes significantly less than I do. How do I deal with the financial situation of someone I’m dating?
It’s hard for me to come to terms with the fact that there might be a point in our relationship where I may need to be the financial pillar. I can definitely support myself but supporting someone else is scary. He does live on his own with a handful of housemates so he’s independent. But typically artists/musicians don’t make a lot. Financial situations can change over time so I feel like what I’m scared of now may not follow me into the future.
Dear Financially Freaked,
What a great opportunity you have to use your words! I know, I know, I’m being snarky, but really: Don’t leave this to chance. Talk to him.
Does he have a plan for paying the bills while he’s investing in his passion? Do you share similar lifestyle expectations? What’s his relationship with money? Has he planned for a side job that will help the two of you make ends meet? Is he realistic about finances, or does he believe that money is something that other people worry about?
Friday, March 10, 2017
I’m a single 35-year-old woman without children. Young guys hit on me all the time. I used to be a model and I keep fit. They all think I’m their age.
I’ve met a wonderful man who’s 36, and he doesn’t know I’m 35 yet. He hasn’t asked for my age, but I feel he needs to know ASAP, as he might want someone younger considering I look like I’m 25 maximum. I want a husband and a family, but I’m afraid that he won’t want me because I’m too old. What if no man my age will want me anymore?
I was 35 when I started dating after a long-term marriage ended. I went on a grand total of 121 first dates, and let me assure you, honey—there’s no shortage of guys interested in 35-year-old +++ ladies out there.
Friday, March 3, 2017
My husband f-ed up Valentine’s Day — again. He’s never gotten it right in the seven years we’ve been together. He just doesn’t think it through. I got a card, and we ate out at a place in the neighborhood we go to all the time. It was just another uneventful night, and I certainly didn’t feel special. How can I get him to nail it? He doesn’t have a clue.
Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday. How amazing did you expect it would be on the most mundane night of the week? The good restaurants were packed, noisy, and had prix fixe menus at inflated prices. Flowers were triple their normal cost, and the lines at the candy shops were out the door a full week in advance. Do you really need a spectacle from him on the most inconvenient day of the year? I hate to be the Grinch that stole Valentines Day, but I’d rather you feel loved and special every day, instead of one measly day. Continue reading
Friday, February 24, 2017
This week, I’ve been texting a guy who reached out to me online. We had all sorts of fun, teasing texts earlier in the week, with mentions of possibly getting together for a quick drink and Hello on Thursday. Well, time passes with no word from him after Tuesday. Finally, at 5:00 PM Thursday, he texts me like no time has passed. I’m cranky.
Question: I really hate feeling ignored, and yet I know I’ve never met him, and he’s not in love with me, and, aside from all that, he’s leading a busy life. What’s reasonable to expect in the texting phase?
Online Dating Lesson #1: In order to stay happy and sane as an online dater, hold zero expectations until you’ve met your connection face to face. It’s kind of a good rule for life in general, too—if you haven’t met someone, you can’t trust them for anything.
Train a little part of your brain to say to you, “this could be a twelve-year-old girl I’m texting,” because hey, that’s actually plausible. Or you might be sending sexy texts to a guy twice your age who has no intention of ever meeting you but is lonely and bored in his marriage. It could be someone who’s housebound who flirts via text to pass the time. These scenarios are all as plausible as him being the awesome, busy guy that he bills himself to be.
I vote we change the term “internet dating” to “internet connecting”because you’re not really “dating” online; you’re just gaining access to people you wouldn’t normally run into in your real world. The actual dating happens out in the cafes, the restaurants, the parks, the bowling alleys—not online. It’s why I stress taking your online connection offline and into the real world right away. I know you were already trying to do this; I’m just throwing a reminder out there for the readers.